I recently had a long lengthy conversation with one of my friends in NY. I haven't spoken to this friend for awhile, to save myself the drama and the annoyances of this friend's argument against another close friend. It was probably a good move, because I was able to speak with my friend, Jun, without having to go through that awkward stage of figuring out what relationship we have. We're still the same kids that started college together.
Anyways, I always hate this part of the conversation with anyone you haven't spoken to for awhile: So what are you doing with yourself? I know it's a simple question. I know it's not meant to place me on guard. It's not meant to make me uncomfortable or having to explain myself of the choices I made. But I feel I have to. Especially, when the following question after that initial question is: Are you back in school?
It's a little embarrassing when so many peeps had these fantastic dreams of what I'd become or what I'd do. I think I've disappointed many by not going to grad school in English or attending some prestigious law school. I know I could do it. I know I could ace all my classes. But my heart is not into it. It feels like I'd have to push myself always to finish.
I don't feel at all bad that I did live up to other's dreams. I just feel those two things are not meant for me. I want something that's a bit more creative and not as stoic or soul-eating.
I just haven't figured what I'd rather get into. I have a inklings to go into fashion or the fashion construction industry. I really ought to take a class in that and test out the waters. Maybe I should do that come fall or begining of next year? I'll definitely look into this. I hate the money part though. Grr...
Well, anyways, I did relay this information to my friend, Jun. He seemed taken back, as others have been, but I think he understand I would not be happy had I gone into any of those two areas. He remains as supportive as ever.
Thank you, friends, for remaining supportive and trying not to judge.
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I understand your feelings on how to answer people, I know that my life didn't end up how everyone thought. It is amazing how one decision can change everything! Keep your chin up, we are still young and there is plenty of time for you to make decisions. I am proud of you! Keep up the good work. :)
ReplyDeleteHa, right after I posted this, my grandfather asked me when he should expect me back in school. Ohhh, how the world works. It's a little sad, just because I do feel the floundering bug. But I also know when I feel th eneed to go into something, I'll right up in it completely.
ReplyDeleteSchool is a big commitment, I don't think there is anything wrong with getting it done in sections. Even with years in between. It's 2011, we have other things going on in our lives. You should take some more classes sometime though. :) Maybe classes would inspire you. <3 You are wonderful, don't you forget it!
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